Excited for you and here for you, friend! And I can honestly say that your fart and butt jokes will serve you well for many years. And for lots of other reasons, this kid is so lucky to get you as a mom.
Congratulations! I was quite ambivalent before becoming pregnant and (during much of my pregnancy!) but I have to say being on the other side- it’s the best. And so hard. And makes you so much better.
Congrats!! You’ll be surprised how much you’ll cherish those first few years later on so enjoy them fully. Also: baby breath! I can only speak for breastfed kiddos, but omg, newborn breath is the best.
It is scary! When my daughter came home I didn’t know what to do with her. Just laid her in the crib, stared, used the bathroom, went back to staring, then she cried.
My husband is still spelling the kids’ scalps. It’s their unique smell that remains the same (at least for us) for years.
Advice: Live in the moment you are in. It is cliche, but true, that it all goes by very quickly.
I just sent two off to school this morning first day for kindergartner and first day back for 4th grader. I remember the first moment I held each of them. I doesn't seem like that long ago when all they did was poop and wail. At 5 and 9, they still poop and wail a lot, but they have their distinct personalities, interests, likes/dislikes. It is really incredible watching them develop. And it feels like a lot of little moments have passed while also feeling like no time at all has passed.
And I'm a different, older person too.
I know as they get older I'll get more space and time back, but I am also a little anxious of the distance that will come from that. Three more years before my littlest starts school and I'm looking forward to getting more time for myself, while also missing already the special moments I have with her.
So take your time. And feel what you feel in the moments that pass quickly enough.
Very Best wishes for a safe and healthy rest of your pregnancy and delivery!
I want so badly to embody this "live in the moment" advice. Must... remember!...
It's so weird how time can move so fast and slow at the same time. In this confused headspace I already wish she were older and also fear her growing up too fast.
I guess that's why one must live in the moment, you can't have it both ways, hah.
Ahhh your pics and sketches are so cute 😍 I feel like I’m looking backwards 30 yrs from now at your scrapbook or something and it’s adorable ❤️
I have no advice obviously, being in the “generally ambivalent and so far child-free” category, but I have no doubts that you will acclimate to your new normal, since you are a resilient human!
My own ambivalence is a continual source of stress, especially since passing the age my mother was when she had me, as a late-ish pregnancy for the time. I definitely have the thought of “kind of wish it would just happen, to make the decision for me” JUST BECAUSE I know I would be able to handle it if it WERE to happen. Whereas taking the leap “on purpose” seems much harder given my fears and anxieties around losing my identity or my dreams, passions, time for self, etc. (Not to mention, the general lack of social support structures in this country we call home.) That said, I fully believe that once the decision is made, one way or the other, relief will follow, as you mention. And that gives me hope!
Awwwww, I love this response so much Lauren, thank you for sharing.
I definitely feel like "pulling the trigger" (taking out my bc) was definitely the hardest part, because, like you said, it had to be a conscious choice, which is terrifying.
I do feel so much less fear now that it's like OH WELL, here we go!
Like I'm still scared of all the same fears I had before, but since there's no turning back there's less to ruminate about I guess.
Now I'm just trying my best to prepare by coaching myself in advance to be as gentle as possible with my ensuing "failures" and that the hardships won't kill me, that I'll find my new normal, and at some point I'll be on the other side where I've adjusted to my new life and no longer have to question this whole life choice.
Unless I do... Hell if I know! Haha.
I can definitely say that I've been really inspired by watching so many of my favorite cartoonists (who happen to be women) increasingly become mothers and their creative output does not seem to have slowed down, if anything they're on such a wild new journey that they have a lot to say and are publishing a lot of work, so that has really helped me.
To see examples of moms my age who are passionate for the work that I've chosen and continue to make their dreams happen alongside having bebe's. :)
I have two kids one is already an “adult” (they’re 19 and 16) You are going to be great. It’s a rollercoaster of a ride. Just be real, be flexible, trust your gut, tune put everyone else. You’ll find your way. Create your own village as you go.
Oh god, please tell me I’m going to be okay.
*Open call for parenting advice*
The best advice I can give is to trust your gut. Pick something and stick with it for a while and then if it feels wrong try something else. Don’t read too many books or listen to too many voices Find sources that resonate for you. I was a teacher and raised two kids so happy to answer anything or just listen to venting.
Has the topic of having kids ever stressed you out?
No but ai always knew ai wanted them and wanted to raIse them if I could.
Are you happily child free? (A lifestyle I very much respect) Yay for those who are. It’s a wonderful choice/option/circumstance for those who have it.
I've been working on trusting my gut more over the past several years, so hopefully I can keep leaning into that because I do very much agree that it's usually right.
I have been sslligghhttlly over-consuming baby advice-content recently, but I can tell it's reaching (reached?) a threshold of being more overwhelming than helpful, so I also agree it's time to take a step back and just chill out for a bit.
I know I have to let myself fail to grow and it's part of the process (easy for me to say now).
Heh. But damn, 16 and 19! I literally CANNOT imagine.
Are you worried about them leaving and being without kids again or looking forward to it?
Ha! I always second guess myself but not in parenthood somehow - not including the early days when there is a lot of that. There literally is no single right answer for most things.. Parenthood is a series of failures lol- you just go with it. Once something is going well everything changes- its part of childhood development and parenthood development too I guess.
Everyone commented how hard it would be for me when my daughter left for school because we did so much together all the time and she was very intertwined with me. In fact, I was just so happy for her to start her adult life and go off on her own. Yea its terrifying and the world is terrifying but also so exciting snd wonderful to see our once babies become more and more themselves and go off i to the world to do so even more.
I still have my younger child home for two more years and will miss having children home i’m sure but also have so much I like to do and want to do- with social media and texting - they are never too far away anyway :)
This is so nice to hear about how close you've been with your daughter and that you're happy for her to branch out. I hope my future self can be so chill!
I suppose it goes to show that embracing change will always be in all of our best interests. *tries to hug ambiguous concept*
Lol, Ben. It's funny that you know me so well to know that telling me my child is going to be weird is the greatest compliment you could possibly give me.
Mat and I are definitely eager to push all of our weird-ass artsy, goofy media onto her and to imbue the silliest of humors.
Let's just hope her weirdness does not tip into freakdom, but even if it did... Freaks are cool too, lol.
Congrats!!! This is going to make you a better everything! A better daughter to your parents, a better citizen to your community, a better artist, a better everything. You are going to be amazed of how much you can accomplish in little time. You will ask yourself why was I ever stressed when I traveled by myself! You'll still love everything you love now and then discover that your heart has so much room to give and receive more love. My wife and I found the Book "Bringing up Bebé" incredibly helpful. We still practice "le pause" with our daughters who are 11 and 8. Check it out from your library if you are curious but it's well worth the read and also, as a Husband who was cluless it helped understand a lot that I didn't. It was the only book my wife required me to read and I've been recommending it to everyone who is about to have a kid. Enjoy everyday because, growth always leads to more growth.
Aw, Diego, you could not have possibly said anything more joyful for me to hear-- I love this perspective!!! <3
I have recently been thinking about how having a child could make me more interested and engaged in my community. Kids themselves have even been somewhat invisible to me for most of my life and now I'm like-- Omg there are tiny people all over!
I want them to have happy lives/ futures! I want to participate!
I've heard about Bringing Up Bebé! Now I definitely need to get it. Consider me sold!
Before pulling the trigger I used to try to convince myself that having a kid would be like an acid trip (anyone? no idea if this is the worst metaphor ever)-- You make a choice, you take a tab, and there's no turning back.
It may be good, it may be bad, it will probably be a bit of both.
It will likely change you and you may likely choose to do it again despite the scary parts.
I guess I'll figure out a couple years from now if this metaphor is apt or completely unhinged *deranged laughter*.
its so weird that my instinct reaction to this, as a parent, is HELL YA LETS GO WELCOME TO THE TEAM lol no but it's gonna ruin your life and also be great but mostly ruin your life at first but idk everyone is different I have friends who were like 'i love it' and never said anything bad and I dont get that but hey cool cool whatever
we're preg w #2, due in Jan, and I've been thinking about what those early days are like. The poop is tar at first. learn to swaddle. bring snacks to the hospital. the first few months will excaerbate whatever issues you already have as individuals and a couple so get ready for that lol it'll be really fun!!
Haha, I haven't even lived it and I'm suspicious of anyone having nothing bad to say about it.
I do personally expect to be quite mentally ill for the first several months. I'm trying to mentally prepare to accept this fact and to not be too hard on myself when I'm a crying, stinking, dripping mess on the floor.
I know there's good too, obv, but it's hard for me to not focus on the parts that scare me.
I do at least fortunately live close to my mom, so I'm really hoping she'll be parent #3 and help us out when we're drowning.
Congrats on bebé #2!!! I do think having a sibling is so incredibly special, so I'm excited for you guys. I am trying to plan ahead with the marriage strife so my husband and I are starting couples therapy now because i expect we're going to be sloppy lil monsters quite soon!
Thank you for the advice, Alex! Our bb's are going to be so close in age! :D
Heya...CONGRATS ERIKA! it's magical....the good, bad and ugly. It's all magic and reason to celebrate and worry and work and play and figure it all out along the way. All the smells and feels and sounds and actions--no matter how good or bad-- are all part of you. They are joyous, bearable, unbearable, frustrating, and worth your every effort. My baby is now 30 years old. He and our DIL are having their first baby in November. Now, as grandparenthood is looming on the horizon, I'm seeing deeper, high def sunrises and sunsets and celebrating all phases of the moon, especially the understated gibbous moon. Yet, here comes the unknown again, just like 30 years ago. It is all magic. You will be great.
Thank you so much for these sentiments John, I really appreciate it.
I'm excited! And scared!
Hey, I'll have my baby in November too! How fun.
I'm so curious to hear about your future grandparent experience, I hear the best things about being a grandparent. It's the dream in many ways I hear. :)
I know my parents are over the moon. I'm the only of their kids doing this so they're VERY EXCITED to spoil their likely one grandchild, haha.
What??? First time I'm hearing about this!
that's because it's not yours.
;)
Excited for you and here for you, friend! And I can honestly say that your fart and butt jokes will serve you well for many years. And for lots of other reasons, this kid is so lucky to get you as a mom.
Haha, Mat and I joke that we're partially afraid of turning her into too big of a weirdo because our senses of humor are so crass, hehhhhh. OH WELL!
Thanks so much for the kind words, Chelsea. <3 Love you!
Good news/ bad news...they are all weirdos no matter what you do
Congratulations! I was quite ambivalent before becoming pregnant and (during much of my pregnancy!) but I have to say being on the other side- it’s the best. And so hard. And makes you so much better.
Aw, Berlin, thank you!
What a lovely perspective to receive from a fellow ambivalent!
You give me hope, thank you, I really appreciate this. <3
Congrats!! You’ll be surprised how much you’ll cherish those first few years later on so enjoy them fully. Also: baby breath! I can only speak for breastfed kiddos, but omg, newborn breath is the best.
Thank you so much Cheyenne!
Oh I am so intrigued the this idea of baby breath?! I also always hear that people are obsessed with the smell of their baby's heads, right?
I'm hopeful/eager to cherish those first few years because right now I'm mostly just SCURRED!
It is scary! When my daughter came home I didn’t know what to do with her. Just laid her in the crib, stared, used the bathroom, went back to staring, then she cried.
My husband is still spelling the kids’ scalps. It’s their unique smell that remains the same (at least for us) for years.
Congratulations!
Yes, I have 3. Yes, you will be ok.
Advice: Live in the moment you are in. It is cliche, but true, that it all goes by very quickly.
I just sent two off to school this morning first day for kindergartner and first day back for 4th grader. I remember the first moment I held each of them. I doesn't seem like that long ago when all they did was poop and wail. At 5 and 9, they still poop and wail a lot, but they have their distinct personalities, interests, likes/dislikes. It is really incredible watching them develop. And it feels like a lot of little moments have passed while also feeling like no time at all has passed.
And I'm a different, older person too.
I know as they get older I'll get more space and time back, but I am also a little anxious of the distance that will come from that. Three more years before my littlest starts school and I'm looking forward to getting more time for myself, while also missing already the special moments I have with her.
So take your time. And feel what you feel in the moments that pass quickly enough.
Very Best wishes for a safe and healthy rest of your pregnancy and delivery!
Aw, thank you so much for the kind words Dekera.
I want so badly to embody this "live in the moment" advice. Must... remember!...
It's so weird how time can move so fast and slow at the same time. In this confused headspace I already wish she were older and also fear her growing up too fast.
I guess that's why one must live in the moment, you can't have it both ways, hah.
Congratulations, the two of you (well, nearly three) look absolutely adorable and that bodes well for a happily ever after, Best wishes!
Thank you so much, Shire!
We try to be adorable when we can ^__^.
I sense the ensuing crying-poo-storm to come will be less adorable, but that's okay!
I'm used to be messy. I identity with it, hah.
Ahhh your pics and sketches are so cute 😍 I feel like I’m looking backwards 30 yrs from now at your scrapbook or something and it’s adorable ❤️
I have no advice obviously, being in the “generally ambivalent and so far child-free” category, but I have no doubts that you will acclimate to your new normal, since you are a resilient human!
My own ambivalence is a continual source of stress, especially since passing the age my mother was when she had me, as a late-ish pregnancy for the time. I definitely have the thought of “kind of wish it would just happen, to make the decision for me” JUST BECAUSE I know I would be able to handle it if it WERE to happen. Whereas taking the leap “on purpose” seems much harder given my fears and anxieties around losing my identity or my dreams, passions, time for self, etc. (Not to mention, the general lack of social support structures in this country we call home.) That said, I fully believe that once the decision is made, one way or the other, relief will follow, as you mention. And that gives me hope!
Always love catching up on your thoughts here ❤️
Awwwww, I love this response so much Lauren, thank you for sharing.
I definitely feel like "pulling the trigger" (taking out my bc) was definitely the hardest part, because, like you said, it had to be a conscious choice, which is terrifying.
I do feel so much less fear now that it's like OH WELL, here we go!
Like I'm still scared of all the same fears I had before, but since there's no turning back there's less to ruminate about I guess.
Now I'm just trying my best to prepare by coaching myself in advance to be as gentle as possible with my ensuing "failures" and that the hardships won't kill me, that I'll find my new normal, and at some point I'll be on the other side where I've adjusted to my new life and no longer have to question this whole life choice.
Unless I do... Hell if I know! Haha.
I can definitely say that I've been really inspired by watching so many of my favorite cartoonists (who happen to be women) increasingly become mothers and their creative output does not seem to have slowed down, if anything they're on such a wild new journey that they have a lot to say and are publishing a lot of work, so that has really helped me.
To see examples of moms my age who are passionate for the work that I've chosen and continue to make their dreams happen alongside having bebe's. :)
Congrats!!!
Do you have kids?!
I have two kids one is already an “adult” (they’re 19 and 16) You are going to be great. It’s a rollercoaster of a ride. Just be real, be flexible, trust your gut, tune put everyone else. You’ll find your way. Create your own village as you go.
Oh god, please tell me I’m going to be okay.
*Open call for parenting advice*
The best advice I can give is to trust your gut. Pick something and stick with it for a while and then if it feels wrong try something else. Don’t read too many books or listen to too many voices Find sources that resonate for you. I was a teacher and raised two kids so happy to answer anything or just listen to venting.
Has the topic of having kids ever stressed you out?
No but ai always knew ai wanted them and wanted to raIse them if I could.
Are you happily child free? (A lifestyle I very much respect) Yay for those who are. It’s a wonderful choice/option/circumstance for those who have it.
Love your feedback, Leah, thank you for sharing!
I've been working on trusting my gut more over the past several years, so hopefully I can keep leaning into that because I do very much agree that it's usually right.
I have been sslligghhttlly over-consuming baby advice-content recently, but I can tell it's reaching (reached?) a threshold of being more overwhelming than helpful, so I also agree it's time to take a step back and just chill out for a bit.
I know I have to let myself fail to grow and it's part of the process (easy for me to say now).
Heh. But damn, 16 and 19! I literally CANNOT imagine.
Are you worried about them leaving and being without kids again or looking forward to it?
Ha! I always second guess myself but not in parenthood somehow - not including the early days when there is a lot of that. There literally is no single right answer for most things.. Parenthood is a series of failures lol- you just go with it. Once something is going well everything changes- its part of childhood development and parenthood development too I guess.
Everyone commented how hard it would be for me when my daughter left for school because we did so much together all the time and she was very intertwined with me. In fact, I was just so happy for her to start her adult life and go off on her own. Yea its terrifying and the world is terrifying but also so exciting snd wonderful to see our once babies become more and more themselves and go off i to the world to do so even more.
I still have my younger child home for two more years and will miss having children home i’m sure but also have so much I like to do and want to do- with social media and texting - they are never too far away anyway :)
This is so nice to hear about how close you've been with your daughter and that you're happy for her to branch out. I hope my future self can be so chill!
I suppose it goes to show that embracing change will always be in all of our best interests. *tries to hug ambiguous concept*
Congratulations!!!! You guys are going to be amazing parents. And your kid is going to be so weird. It'll be awesome.
Lol, Ben. It's funny that you know me so well to know that telling me my child is going to be weird is the greatest compliment you could possibly give me.
Mat and I are definitely eager to push all of our weird-ass artsy, goofy media onto her and to imbue the silliest of humors.
Let's just hope her weirdness does not tip into freakdom, but even if it did... Freaks are cool too, lol.
Congratulations!
Thank you, Scott! 😊
Congrats friend! This'll be fun. :)
Thank you Allie <3333 I'm joining the club! Our bb's should hang out sometime, obv!
Congrats!!! This is going to make you a better everything! A better daughter to your parents, a better citizen to your community, a better artist, a better everything. You are going to be amazed of how much you can accomplish in little time. You will ask yourself why was I ever stressed when I traveled by myself! You'll still love everything you love now and then discover that your heart has so much room to give and receive more love. My wife and I found the Book "Bringing up Bebé" incredibly helpful. We still practice "le pause" with our daughters who are 11 and 8. Check it out from your library if you are curious but it's well worth the read and also, as a Husband who was cluless it helped understand a lot that I didn't. It was the only book my wife required me to read and I've been recommending it to everyone who is about to have a kid. Enjoy everyday because, growth always leads to more growth.
Not sure links work on the comments but here it is: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/13152287
Aw, Diego, you could not have possibly said anything more joyful for me to hear-- I love this perspective!!! <3
I have recently been thinking about how having a child could make me more interested and engaged in my community. Kids themselves have even been somewhat invisible to me for most of my life and now I'm like-- Omg there are tiny people all over!
I want them to have happy lives/ futures! I want to participate!
I've heard about Bringing Up Bebé! Now I definitely need to get it. Consider me sold!
I too am so ambivalent and feel like one day it’ll just happen to me and I’ll be like ok I guess it’s happening now
Lol, yes this is me exactly.
Before pulling the trigger I used to try to convince myself that having a kid would be like an acid trip (anyone? no idea if this is the worst metaphor ever)-- You make a choice, you take a tab, and there's no turning back.
It may be good, it may be bad, it will probably be a bit of both.
It will likely change you and you may likely choose to do it again despite the scary parts.
I guess I'll figure out a couple years from now if this metaphor is apt or completely unhinged *deranged laughter*.
its so weird that my instinct reaction to this, as a parent, is HELL YA LETS GO WELCOME TO THE TEAM lol no but it's gonna ruin your life and also be great but mostly ruin your life at first but idk everyone is different I have friends who were like 'i love it' and never said anything bad and I dont get that but hey cool cool whatever
we're preg w #2, due in Jan, and I've been thinking about what those early days are like. The poop is tar at first. learn to swaddle. bring snacks to the hospital. the first few months will excaerbate whatever issues you already have as individuals and a couple so get ready for that lol it'll be really fun!!
Haha, I haven't even lived it and I'm suspicious of anyone having nothing bad to say about it.
I do personally expect to be quite mentally ill for the first several months. I'm trying to mentally prepare to accept this fact and to not be too hard on myself when I'm a crying, stinking, dripping mess on the floor.
I know there's good too, obv, but it's hard for me to not focus on the parts that scare me.
I do at least fortunately live close to my mom, so I'm really hoping she'll be parent #3 and help us out when we're drowning.
Congrats on bebé #2!!! I do think having a sibling is so incredibly special, so I'm excited for you guys. I am trying to plan ahead with the marriage strife so my husband and I are starting couples therapy now because i expect we're going to be sloppy lil monsters quite soon!
Thank you for the advice, Alex! Our bb's are going to be so close in age! :D
Wooo Gen Alpha?!
Heya...CONGRATS ERIKA! it's magical....the good, bad and ugly. It's all magic and reason to celebrate and worry and work and play and figure it all out along the way. All the smells and feels and sounds and actions--no matter how good or bad-- are all part of you. They are joyous, bearable, unbearable, frustrating, and worth your every effort. My baby is now 30 years old. He and our DIL are having their first baby in November. Now, as grandparenthood is looming on the horizon, I'm seeing deeper, high def sunrises and sunsets and celebrating all phases of the moon, especially the understated gibbous moon. Yet, here comes the unknown again, just like 30 years ago. It is all magic. You will be great.
Thank you so much for these sentiments John, I really appreciate it.
I'm excited! And scared!
Hey, I'll have my baby in November too! How fun.
I'm so curious to hear about your future grandparent experience, I hear the best things about being a grandparent. It's the dream in many ways I hear. :)
I know my parents are over the moon. I'm the only of their kids doing this so they're VERY EXCITED to spoil their likely one grandchild, haha.
Congratulations! And I am sure you will make an amazing mom!
Thank you so much, Oganga! That's very nice of you to say.
✨ ^___^ ✨