Wild Card #6

*An Epic Personal Reveal!* (Oooo, Ahhh!)

Happy Monday my favorite li’l hamster babies!

I have to tell you something.

I’ve been withholding something from you.

I’ve never really discussed this topic publicly.

I’ve barely thought it out privately in my own head up until several months ago.

Yes, some of your wheels are already turning, I’m sure.

Well, IT’S TRUE!—

I am PREGGERS.

—7 months to be exact.

And much like everything I do in life, I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve been really conflicted about sharing this news with basically anyone.

I’m 37 years old and therefore have many friends, myself included, who have been very triggered by this topic throughout the years.

The “ticking clock” narrative, possible infertility, the nightmarish stories of pregnancy /birth /postpartum /parenting, the inevitable career stagnations for new mothers, etc.

I’m scared of it all.

Ever since I turned 30 it’s felt like a haunting.

My days have been clouded by a festering peripheral fear of “will I, won’t I?”

I always thought it would be easier if I had really wanted a kid, instead of the ambivalence I have felt my entire adult life.

But now that I’ve committed to this life track I almost feel relieved.

Like, oh well, no turning back now!

It kind of reminds me of how stressed I was leading up to my wedding reception.

© 2016. Our love language is making dumb faces at each other.

When the day finally came I felt so much relief.

Like, hey if it all goes to shit, at least it’s finally happening and is no longer a torturous hypothetical “what if”.

As complicated as my feelings are I am really grateful that I waited this long.

I’ve worked through a smorgasbord of mental health issues over the past 3+ years and I’m feeling more emotionally stable than ever.

And, yes, I know it’s all going to come crashing down once I’m sleep deprived and spontaneously sobbing over the most severe hormonal change that happens to any human, ever— but I’ll find my new normal.

My pregnancy’s been moving so quickly, I’m shocked that it’s already August *cue looming November due date*.

But since we’re coming to the end of August— I just thought I’d remind y’all that there are only but 3 more days until the looming END date of my:

✨Shit for Breakfast Anniversary Discount!✨

^Clickity clack here for this once in a lifetime pooper-dooper special! 💩

Wow. I am so talented at self-promotion. Thank you for tolerating my requisite cheesy sales pitch.

Bitch gotta eat, amirite?

Any-fartsles, I’m sure I’ll have more to say in coming posts, but I’m tired and constipated, so until then:

---

Comments (Let’s Chat!):

• Do you have kids?!

  • Oh god, please tell me I’m going to be okay.

• *Open call for parenting advice*

• Has the topic of having kids ever stressed you out?

• Are you happily child free? (A lifestyle I very much respect)

---

Listening to: