From The Avocado-Stained Trenches of Motherhood

Status: I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up

As I write these words my TV is blaring “Aprende Peque con Isa” on Youtube.

“Mira mi boca!” she says.

I can’t help but look up as she proceeds to make a donkey noise.

I have reached my limit.

I’ve now been home as long as I was away on my east coast trip 3 weeks ago.

(More on my NYC trip below)

The New Yorker CenTOONial Party

I have a tendency to be quite bad at moderation.

This can be evidenced through my complete 180 since my travels only a month ago.

Pics of me being dumb in NYC/PA

I have since reverted into a full-scale mom-blob and I’m about to explode from the BLAH of it all.

(My failure at moderation can also be evidenced in my mock advice in this 2020 humor piece.)

I have an unfortunate tendency to go into a freeze state when I feel overwhelmed.

I detach from life and body and just move through the world like a zombie.

I over-consume coffee and social media¹ to feel “alive”, despite the fact that I know it’s actually pulling me further into paralysis.

It can take a lot to shake me out of it.

Current mental state.

I don’t tend to realize I’m miserable until I’m really deep in it.

That’s where I’m at right now. I’ve just kind of checked out.

But on the plus side, I caught myself and am going to do my best to course correct.

I notice that when I fall into this freeze state my existence becomes very reactive.

I only go out when people invite me out. I only do things if people ask me to do them.

I know I need to take responsibility for my self-care. I really want to get better at it, but I also feel like I just keep falling back into these patterns, which is so frustrating.

For now I’ll try to focus on just doing my best.

I’ve catalogued some activities I would like to add to my calendar this coming month:

• Museums

• Jazz clubs

• Figure drawing

• Coffee dates

• Beach hangs (e.g. free hangs)

And On A Completely Unrelated Note…

Please enjoy this comic I made with crayons this week:

Comments (Let’s Chat!):

• Which is your go-to:

  • Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?

    • Are you aware when you’re falling into these states?

      • If so, what are you strategies for recalibrating?

• Do any parents in the chat have advice for me to not lose myself in parenting?

• Farts

  • Sorry, this is not a question.

---

Listening to:

1. Hi, Substack!