So Much Failure, So Little Time
I I got hit with a triple whammy of rejections last week.
Well, sort of.
One was spindling into a purgatory-type rejection for while.
Essentially I wrote and illustrated a book pitch a while ago that’s been turned down thus far by nearly every major imprint. It’s still floating out there in the submission void, but the momentum has slowed to what feels like a stand-still.
I sent my agent a very loose picture book idea, which he wasn’t really into and honestly I agree with all of his feedback, but I still had been working on it for weeks.
Then I submitted what I thought was a great humor piece to the New Yorker, where I foolishly expected an acceptance since I was so proud of it and…
You can probably guess where this is going.
Rejection is all part of the process, but sometimes it can hit you like a sack of bricks.
I feel like I’ve been working so hard for so long with nothing to show for it and that can get pretty demoralizing.
I am very intent on publishing a book, so I jumped straight into a new book idea.
I like my core idea, but after plugging away at it for a full day I realized I actually needed a minute to sit with my rejections.
I try very hard to not let external validation rule my self-esteem, but sometimes you have to admit that you’re just a tiny little ape in a very big universe with evolved traits that push you toward embarrassing things like wanting attention (and money).
It feels good to admit it though.
I keep forgetting I’m still working as a full-time mom most of the week too.
It’s hard for me to accept that I can’t be as productive in my art as I’d like to. I want to accept it and slow down, but (cliché alert) I feel so behind already.
WELL—
I would love to craft a beautiful, nuanced segue right now, but my child is demanding I fulfill my role as mother, as per the contract we both signed at birth.
Tata my buddies, I hope to chat with you all soon!
-E.
Comments (Let’s Chat!):
What is your relationship with external validation?
What is your relationship with rejection?
Would anyone be willing to help me come up with a name for my subscribers?
Anytime I refer to you all I say dopey shit like, “buddies”.
Listening to:
The way I think about rejection is that nothing good will ever happen if you don't take the risk of being rejected. If you aren't shooting your shot, so to speak, you're stagnating as a person, you're living passively. Most people never get to the point to be rejected. The fact that you made a book pitch (which was a LOT of work) is more than most people will ever do. Just the fact that you got rejected is an accomplishment, it means that you were brave and made yourself vulnerable. It didn't work out this time, but the next time it might.
You had fun making a thing that you love and are proud of. Maybe other people don't like it as much, but you conjured something into existence. And you grew doing it! You gained new skills and experiences that you can put into your next projects.
Name suggestions for your readers:
- Shitbirds
- Dingbats
- Poopheads
- Fartknockers
Reading this brought out painful memories from like 30 years ago, when I had small kids and was determined to become a (bestselling) novelist. I’d get up 5 in the morning to write before my boys woke up, but it was like they smelled that I was awake, so they got up, too. I used to do what I said I’ll never do: using the tv as a baby sitter.
And then there was rejection after rejection… The worst after I had rewritten my manuscript several times, but the publisher eventually decided not to go for it.
Yes, it hurts. Today I am happy about it. I didn’t really enjoy writing books, but I liked the idea of being a writer.
I believe if you really love your work, know what you are doing and are proud of it, you’ll find a way to get it published. Harry Potter author Rawlings was rejected by 50 publishers.
Another thing I want to say, is that looking back, I regret I didn’t relax more when it came to my ambitions, and enjoyed more the time with my sons when they were young. I was determined to succeed in my career while having bambinos. Suddenly my boys were 190 tall, wearing size 48 in shoes and prefered their girlfriends to mama… And I got all the time in the world to work on my projects.
I love your drawings and writings. The rejections happen for a reason (and I don’t mean because your work is not good!). You’ll be fine.