Sad Poems
Lean In to Get Through
I forgot to schedule a post for yesterday and I feel a bit guilty about it. I’ve always struggled with routines and consistency, as much as I desperately need it. Just now I opened Substack to see I had started this post for the week after Chi died and never shared it. I wrote these poems to process missing her. Maybe they can help you get through something too.
Healing
The first seasonal chai burns my tongue as I
search for words as I
miss her
I’m always running from uncomfortable feelings
I have all the answers
but all I feel is my tongue burning
the sensation of hurting
Spiraling, forgetting
I have all the answers
I fight to accept that I am slow at healing
I know that time is needed
when you’re only a human being.
Chi
Silence fills the rooms of my apartment
as I strain to hear your nail clicks
like tiny stilettos
The vacuum of sound leaves my ears bleeding
with the shattered pieces of my brittle heart, heaving
We played mother/daughter so well
now these memories cut like hell
I can’t stand to see what remains
of what was once yours
objects empty like my chest, sinking
We played mother/daughter so well
I hate to say I maybe believed it
sometimes
Feeling Feelings
Sort of, also not
West Coast IPA
persuades me to process my day
Amped acoustic blessings
from a strange man
Retreating autumn light
The sky so bright with goodbyes
Feeling feelings
is a gift I give myself
not often enough
I try to mother myself
I’m not broken, but I need help
I split in two to love me
I play pretend to see myself
as worth loving.
Listening to: